With a career guided by networking and, for the past 16 years, one that has been very much rooted in entrepreneurialism, both my own and others, I have often wondered what works best in terms of meeting new people, fostering relationships, and, most importantly, connecting others.
We’ve all been there.
You’re at an event, you meet someone new, and within a few minutes, they ask,
“Do you know anyone who could help me with…?” or “Could you introduce me to someone in your network?”
It’s a familiar moment, and it’s where the quality of networking really shows. It’s in these instances where one’s instinct may be to simply connect and release. In other words, agree, and do, pass along a name or email without context, without alignment, and, perhaps, inflicting the greatest harm, sometimes without checking whether both sides even want the introduction.
To keep a positive tone, let’s assume that those who regularly engage in this practice believe they are being helpful; it can certainly feel that way. Not only has the “connector” given something of value, or so they believe, away, but they also now have the opportunity to move on to the next conversation.
In practice, it often isn’t.
Two people are suddenly connected with no shared understanding of why. One feels like they’re asking for something. The other isn’t sure what they’re being pulled into. More often than not, the connection fizzles, or worse, it quietly erodes trust.
Much more valuable is relational networking. It takes a bit more work, energy, and time, perhaps even a bit of introspection, and consists of asking whether the introduction you are offering is useful for both people. Do both people want to be connected? Can you, as the connector, explain why the interaction you are considering facilitating is respectful of everyone’s time?
Going back to the hypothetical moment above, this type of networking puts a much bigger burden on the connector. Before that new person you have met asks the question, you are asking them whether your facilitation of a relationship would be helpful to them. Assuming the answer is a “yes”, you are then going to the person you believe would be a fit and asking them the same question.
Once there is consensus, you are then making a connection that both parties have already bought into.
In the early days of my career, those who were seen as the most effective networkers were the ones who had amassed the most business cards, and maybe even had two Rolodexes on their desk! Now, many measure their networking prowess by the number of LinkedIn connections they have.
We should be careful not to confuse the volume of networking we do with the value of our network, to ourselves and to those within it.
Access is something you earn and protect, not something you casually hand out.
Helping to manage a relationship after a connection has been made doesn’t mean hovering, micromanaging, or inserting yourself into every conversation. The connector can stay at the center of the network without controlling every relationship that grows from it. It means caring about every relationship, not controlling them.
Simply passing names and contact details around isn’t neutral or harmless. It shifts the burden onto others and treats relationships like transactions.
As our calendars continue to fill up with events that present opportunities to meet and engage others, let’s all be more intentional about our networking styles!
